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The beginning of the end and the beginning again

This week I will mark my 49th birthday.

I know.

I’m actually looking forward to 50. I look forward to feeling free enough to be who I am. I wish I were there yet, but in reality I am not. I worry about what people think, still, and way too much. I have put off my dreams and adventures for too many reasons to count..but really I can only cast blame on myself.

This next year I vow to be more courageous. I will put myself on my the top of priority list. Really. Truly.

Below is my list of what I hope to accomplish
1. dancing weekly
2. a regular yoga practice
3. promoting myself as an artist
4. painting..expanding my skill as an artist
5. spending a long day in the woods several times a months
6. regular hikes with Luka
7. eating more fresh vegetables…DAILY; eating better in general
8. planting a garden..even a small one
9. communicating more with my children
10. letting go of stress
11. setting boundaries
12. letting go of stuff..decluttering
13. being present with those I’m with
14. becoming a better listener
15. less time on this computer
16. journaling regularly
17. swimming every chance I get this summer
18. being kinder to myself
19. saying yes more often to opportunities
20. saying no to obligations I really don’t have energy or desire for
21. projecting and supporting positive thought, actions, words

I’m sure I could add to this list, but these are the most important to me right now. They also lead to creating the life I want and to becoming the person I want to be.

Miksang

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viewing with the good eye

Chris and I drove around Milan and Dummer looking for moose. We saw lots of deer, which were beautiful and abundant. I was driving, Chris took most of the pictures, but we stopped here, by a bridge and I took this image. I am trying to see with a different eye…the light was beautiful, the iron of the bridge rusted just so…I love this shot.

Luna Moth

oil on canvas
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Owl

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I love him…

Valentine’s Day Fun

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I did this piece after struggling to paint all day…I decided to go simple.

Then I gave it away…I posted the image on Facebook and the lucky commenter (My sister had a number in her head and counted the comments) won!

It was fun to do a little promoting and I got positive feedback.  Happy Valentine’s Day :)

Red Mittens, lovely people, and the Argentine Tango.

It’s been a tough past month for various reasons. It’s a shame because I really love living here and the toughness has taken away from my daily joy of being New Hampshire.

Yesterday I was reminded that I must focus on the wonderful and beautiful things around me.

My husband took me for my weekly Sunday Drive. He drives, I marvel at all the pretty things outside the window. We drove up to Dummer first because I wanted to show him the ice fishing huts on the reservoir.

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We drive up here regularly to look for moose or sightsee. The lake is frozen solid now, or pretty solid. I had to walk on it of course because I don’t think I’ve ever walked on a frozen body of water. I figure if cars and little huts were safe, I would be safe enough too.

Afterwards we went to the Milan Winter Festival. I wanted to try the snowshoeing obstacle course, but there was scheduling snafu and it wasn’t running when we arrived. I also missed the animal show which included AN ARTIC FOX! I was very bummed about that. Apparently he or she is the only traveling arctic fox in the Northern Hempishere (I may be exaggerating that fact).

But to make up for all that, I got these

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The most beautiful pair of hand spun, hand knitted, raw fleeced lined mittens! They are really special. They’re knitted by my new friend Robin, such a lovely person. So incredibly talented. Definitely falls under my buying rule, “only buy what you really really love.”

Chris and I then headed toward home. We drove through Milan and the unexplored(by us) hillsides of Berlin. There are some really lovely areas up there, who knew?!

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Like this place…sooo pretty.

It was a very chilly day, I think it may have warmed up to 5 degrees by 2:00, maybe..

When we settled home, I checked into the local(by local I mean, New England..not North Country NH) tango scene and discovered there was a class just down road 20 miles. I called and got directions and headed out at 6. I have missed dancing so much. I have missed the music and the connection and the movement.

The class was small only 8 of us counting the teachers, a really lovely couple. The dancing was great though, especially considering it was a lesson and not a milonga. And everyone was so nice and welcoming. It was wonderful. It was what my soul needed. I am a dancer at heart.

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My Beautiful Home

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the expanse of love

I am not my anxiety

I am more than my physical body.

I am more than my thoughts and memories and ideas of the world.

I am more than my breathe and the shudder in my chest and the tightness in my shoulder. I am none of these.

My body is a shell, a temporary home for what is my unique permanence.

Sometimes I feel as if I am killing myself with my  perceptions and my worries

Sometimes I feel hollow.

It comes when I pay attention only to my shell as if it were the whole of me. It is none of me.It is not even skin. It is dressing, an outfit, nothing more.

I tell myself… be brave. be mindful. be patient.

I must remember that all that consumes my thoughts and brings me panic is nothing but smoke and mirror.

Fear begets fear.

Love is greater than fear. Love keeps me safe.

One day I will leave my shell behind and know the expanse of Love.

Not a death but an opening. an awakening.

I must choose love, each day.

put aside resentment.forgive. move on. let go. laugh.

and choose love. choose love. choose love.

The Work of Other Artists and my “Antiques Roadshow” moment

As an artist I believe it is important to appreciate, collect, and share the work of other artists. If I didn’t it would be like being a writer who didn’t read books. If I am influenced by anything, it is the work of other artists. Today was a lucky day..a very lucky day. I stopped into my favorite antique store in Berlin, Vintage Junky, to wander the rows and be inspired. I love this store because they not only sell antiques, they sell repurposed pieces as well as some crafts. I have yet to stop in and not find a treasure. Today I found two. First I picked up an old drying rack for $15, a great deal,and a just the perfect size. And then I spotted this lovely piece. IMG_6632 It’s an oil on an 14″X18″ canvas, in a beautiful frame. I loved the women, the colors, everything. The woman in the shop didn’t know anything about the artist, but a quick google of “Marilene painter” revealed that the piece was done by Marilene Sawaf, a NH by way of Egypt, artist. I quickly bought the piece and my drying rack and rushed home to research her. I hung the piece immediately in my dining room, see below! IMG_6631 And then I researched Marilene and discovered that the piece I bought was worth significantly more than I paid for it.My “Antiques Roadshow moment.” Not millions or anything, but let’s just say, I scored. The truth is that it’s price doesn’t really matter; I really love this piece and everything else I saw of Marilene’s and I’d never sell it. Her work has inspired me. This morning, my husband asked me if I was interested in taking more art classes to improve my painting skill. Absolutely I am. Oddly, I had said to him, “well I’m not really sure I could ever be a figure painter..” but after seeing Marilene’s work, I’m inspired to try. I’m so excited for finding this piece and adding to my own art collection. And I’m really excited to see how this work influences my own practice.

The Gallery at WREN

I have been fortunate to have my art chosen for the 2015 season at the Gallery at WREN. Please check out the WREN here. And if you’re like to check out my art please take a look at my website at deidrenoreen.tumblr.com on line or check out the Gallery at WREN in March of this year in Bethlehem, NH.

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